i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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