He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize