maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
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