This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
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I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
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She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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