He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
