I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
