"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
