Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
