she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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