He kissed a someone with a penis
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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