My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
