I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
