We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
