I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
