Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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