I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
