So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
