So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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