Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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