It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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