I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
PANTIES FOUND
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