What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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