Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Randomize
