my mouth tastes like poor choices
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
