She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
