I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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