When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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