i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
