You made me cry and you don't even care
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
How's work?
Spinning.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
