I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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