did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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