just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
