I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
