I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
