I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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