I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Randomize
