Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
