But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
