I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
