i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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