well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
