Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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