This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
