dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
