He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
