I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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