I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
