I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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