Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Pooping to opera.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize