what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
