I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Too much gin, very little bucket
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
