I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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