I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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