Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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