On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
