Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
