I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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