he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
