Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
