my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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