you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
