You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
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Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize