My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
