Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
