zippers are such a cool invention
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
