I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
