I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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