when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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