is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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