he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
