i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
