I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
How external is "for external use only"?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
