i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
