she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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