shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Randomize
