I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
