It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
