Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
