This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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