make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
