i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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