there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
